(After he saw what I was cooking for myself, demanded some, and asked all of his siblings if they wanted some, too).
Me: C, this is my dinner; it's not ok to offer to share food that isn't yours.
C: but it's polite to share food with other people.
Me: that's usually true, but sometimes food is just for one person. How would you like it if you got a bag of gummy bears, and I went around the whole house and asked who wanted a handful?
C: you made eggs. That's not the same. I'm not stupid.
Overheard exchange between C and his 8-year-old sister E.
C: (in a devastated wailing voice) E! E! MY MICKEY MOUSE COSTUME IS TOO SMALL FOR ME!
C: you're dumb.
Me: well that's not nice and it's not true.
C: of course it's true.
Me: sucks for you, guess I'm too dumb to read you a bedtime story.
C: Emma, you're soooooooo smart!
On our way home from Kindergarten
Me: there are a lot of people in China: if you took 10 Germanys and put them all together, there would STILL be more people in China!
C: WOW! So there are like 188 people there?!
I took the kids and four of E's school friends (ages 7-8, including Charlotte) trick-or-treating.
Charlotte: we HAVE to go to Bens house!
Me: uh, whys that?
Charlotte: because he's so stupid.
Me: if he's so stupid, why do you want to go to his house?!
Charlotte: to annoy him. I wouldn't expect a grownup to understand.
C: I got to the door first, that means I get to eat more lunch than you.
Me: But I'm bigger.
C: Well I'm faster. And smarter.
C: Emma, I can count to three in English, want to hear?: 1,2,3,4,5,6,7!
Me: That's great C! That's actually all the way to 7, not just 3.
C: wow, I'm so good!
C: Emma, I can speak English!
Me: Cool, what words do you know?
C: On Fasching, we get to go to school in dress-up clothes, and if we start to sweat, we get to take them off. But not our underwear. We don't do that in kindergarten.
Jana (the children's nanny): you know how you Americans drink this thing called Gatorade after you exercise? Yeah. We drink beer.
Muttering under his breath after I tucked him in and turned the lights out:
C: human, witch, human witch, human witch!
Kid's 12-year-old cousin S came over for dinner the other day:
S: Where in America do you come from?
Me: Very close to NYC.
S: New York City is just amazing -there are so many people, and they all have iPhones!
And my all-time favorite:
C: can I have a cookie, please?
Me: no, you and E have been rude really this afternoon, and rude children don't get sweets.
C: *looks at cookies* OOH, but we weren't THAT rude.